Why wanting to be ‘normal’ is bad for you

Why wanting to be ’normal’ is bad for you

“I just want to be… normal.”

 

This is the answer many of my clients give me when I ask then why they have come for hypnotherapy.

When I hear this answer, something inside me silently weeps and my heart takes an invisible nose-dive and sinks into sorrow.

But then, I quickly remember that I can help them to see how bad for them this statement is.

My second question that follows this is “What exactly do you mean by ‘normal’?”

“You know, the same as every one else, just normal, fit in… Um…Ordinary.”

I look at them and ask, “Just to clarify what you want, are you asking for me to help you have an ordinary and uneventful life?

At this point, they usually look at me with surprise and stop talking. (There is a long pause).
Their eyes flicker up to the top left and top right which suggests visually imagining a past and future experience, and then look down briefly – which represents reflecting on their current expressed desire, followed by some more looking up left and right before looking at me again, with a sad expression, and shake their head in a ‘no’ gesture.
This moment is the ‘gold dust’ moment for a hypnotherapist, as it is a very brief moment in time where the client has had a personal realisation that something needs to change.
For me, this is a beautiful window of opportunity to inspire my client to visualise a more compelling future. And this is where we begin.
I usually smile, quickly lean forwards and say loudly to perform what we call a thought pattern interrupt (which is when we break an old loop of thought, so we can help the client create space for a new positive thought loop).
“Wow! I was a bit worried there! I didn’t think so! You have booked in with me because that is what you DON’T want. 

Luckily for you, Solution Focused Hypnotherapy helps you realise how extraordinary you are and together we are going to rediscover the unique and special qualities of yourself that need to be seen and celebrated.

That is the journey we are going to go on, so are you ready for that?”

Very quickly at that moment, the client has to make a decision. To stay, or to leave.

They always stay.

5 reasons why wanting to be ’normal’ is bad for you

 

1) Wanting to ‘fit in’ and not stand out is a fear based need

When we were primitive people, back in the caveman/cavewoman days, it was much better for our safety and survival to be part of a tribe than an individual.

In those days, it was dangerous to be a lone wolf, or to be too radical and free moving.
Life was much safer when were were part of a community, a gang, a support network because we had lots of eyes looking out for our well being and safety.
However, we have moved on since then. Nowadays, as evolved beings in the twenty first century, we have access to another part of our brain – this is the intellectual mind.
The intellectual mind is the part of the brain that can help us realise our full potential as a unique individual, and allows us to safely reach into our creative mind and pull out ideas, inspiration and incredible qualities that we can bring to use in our every-day lives. 
This helps us with problem solving in today’s modern day world. We need to be using our logical brain and coming up with solutions from the innovative part of our mind to think laterally and rationally.
We don’t have to operate from fear anymore, we can operate from a place of internal security and comfort.

2) Wanting to be ‘like everyone else’ means you are not happy with who ‘you’ are

What does ‘like everyone else’ actually mean? Who are these perfect ‘everyone else’ people? What is the definition of ‘normal?’ Normal is a subjective experience.

What I may think is ‘normal’ is different to what you may think as normal.It is futile to try and second guess what the definition of ‘normal’ is.
Because there isn’t a fixed or ‘right’ answer!
It is much better to be ‘you’. You are who you are, and learning to like what you see in the mirror is part of that self acceptance and self satisfaction that we all crave as human beings.
I don’t mean that we all have to become self obsessed or spend our life naval gazing. I mean, just looking in the mirror, warts and all and liking the reflection that looks back at you.

 

This is the answer to happiness. Learn to be happy being you, and then everything around you begins to change for the better.

3) Wanting to not attract attention and contribute to life shows a lack of self esteem

Self esteem is different to self confidence. Self esteem is a deeper respect and higher regard of who you are – your true self.

Once you have connected with this self awareness and learned to strengthen it, you will notice that you will be less bothered by what people think and will feel less judged or harshly criticised by the outside world.
Many people are very busy living in their own minds. And the simple truth is, that because most people are too busy thinking about themselves, they are usually not thinking about you!
So when you increase your self esteem, your self worth and appreciation increases and you are able to conduct yourself with authority and self-belief.
A person with high self esteem is able to hold their head up high and face the world with a smile and a inner strength.
With high self esteem, a person will be able to walk into any crowded room and be happy to be seen and noticed.

 

4) Wanting to be ‘accepted’ and worrying if you are not, means you may be putting others needs before your own

Do you think putting yourself first is selfish?

It is most certainly not selfish to look after your own needs before tending to someone else.I call it the ‘Oxygen Mask Approach’.
When the air steward tells us in the safety check at the beginning of the flight to put our own mask on before helping others, why is this?
Ask yourself this question: If a person is not fit, healthy or happy themselves, are they the best person to help someone else?
You must make sure you are okay and this includes making sure that your mind is free from anxiety and worry.
Worry and anxiety takes up a lot of headspace and is a drain on the battery power of the brain.
Worry and anxiety can be a indicator that something is not okay, and this is a good thing to know, so we can do something to find a solution.
But please don’t let anxiety or worry live ‘rent-free’ in your mind.Worrying about things beyond our control is usually what most people worry about.
It is futile to worry about what other people are thinking or saying because these concerns are not based in evidence or truth.
This type of worry or preoccupation of the mind is the paranoid mind at work, and we must learn to distinguish between what thoughts are real and what we can start to let go of – because they are simply not true or worth holding on to.
This saves our mental battery power and conserves our energy.

 

5) Wanting to be ‘ordinary’ means your greatness is undiscovered – and that is a serious problem

I help everyone that comes to see me realise that they have great resources, capabilities and skills within them. I do this by activating the trance state.

 

The trance state is a very powerful state of mind. While the brain is in the trance state, it is working hard in the background – harder than if you were doing a maths exam.The brain in a trance state, is accessing solutions and positive resources and capabilities to bring forward to the conscious mind for actioning.

Solution Focused Hypnotherapy gives my clients the tools to move above and beyond the situation or experience that led them to me in the first place.
Using the variety of Solution Focused Hypnotherapy tools and techniques, my clients are able to use their mind and their body resourcefully and productively.
I love helping my clients access the stored power and energy within themselves. This can make amazing things happen.
My job is to help my clients move towards a headspace that brings happiness, peace and success.
It is not my job to help my clients be ‘normal’ or ordinary.
It is my job to help them remember that they are extraordinary – That makes my heart sing.

Do you want to work with me?

Dipti Tait is a Solution Focused Hypnotherapist.

Work with me Privately – www.thecotswoldpractice.com or Work with me Online – www.diptitait.com or Download Relaxation Hypnosis Audios – www.hellorelax.net

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